Taking Control of One Thing, and it's BIG.

My diet has been OUT OF CONTROL lately.

I didn't realize how off the mark I was until I started writing down my food for the current 6-week challenge. It's no wonder I haven't been losing weight or changing anything. I haven't really changed anything!

In fact today I finished up my butternut squash ravioli for breakfast.

It's about the half-way mark of the challenge, and I've not made some of the changes I planned to make, especially with my diet. I still sneak grains as burger rolls, eat ice cream a pint at a time (treat hound), and overeating- oh my. I can say now I'm aware of the walk not matching up to the talk. The key seems to be planning. I hate planning, despise it, hold it in low regard; mostly because I never think my plans will work out, or when I do plan, there is that monkey wrench that I can't control, and I didn't consider, so I'm all done in.

I don't control a lot of things in my life. For instance, my work schedule and rhythm are completely outside of my control. I work a twelve-hour shift. The expectation is that you will eat at your desk or in the shop while working, thinking about work, or doing paperwork. Work starts at 3 am, so it's dark. I never feel like eating til about four am, but from 5 to 6 am I have a work-mandated PT session, which I get to make up at the end of my 12-hour shift, because it's not ordered from the shop but from battalion. And then there's the stay-late approach... you have to stay late if the work isn't done. My reaction? I'm not deployed, fuck off. There's not enough of interest in my field to keep me at work for 12 hours, much less more than that.

Anyway, even though I don't get to control when I sleep, sometimes not when I eat, and definitely not all of the time I have to PT, I do get to control other things. Unfortunately, it's not easy to control a few things when all of the things you would like to control the most aren't yours to control.

Huge point: You're fat! Don't eat pizza! and then they bring pizza to work to feed the group, and it's either pizza, or not eating. Happens all the time.

It's difficult to stick with a plan and lifestyle that are outside conventional belief when everyone is prepared to punish you for not a) getting results, b) following conventional wisdom to see results, and c) believing as they do. Yes, punish. And if you don't strictly follow the diet you say you do, then that's evidence against you. <----me.

Either way, I have to start really eating Primally if I expect results, and to prove to everybody else that what I'm doing is the right thing. I'm going to do some food prep today and try to get some meal planning done, so that I can be prepared. I was never much of a boy scout type, but I have to really start to take control of this one thing: what I eat. I'll put it on my fridge or something.

I have ANTELOPE to try. I'm excited.